A Summary of my Time at VUE Cinemas

I had high hopes for this blog. Hopes that included a fairly regular release of blogs that I could show my friends and say "Ha! I was talking about you!" Alas, that has not happened, mainly due to my job as a Customer Assistant/Drone at VUE Cinemas.

See, from when I joined, a lot of people were planning to leave or were leaving. A few even got sacked for a hot-dog embezzlement scheme. I kid you not, reader. Managers were leaving and everyone that joined on the same day as me would be leaving during summer as well. Therefore, a lot of hours became available. A lot. I work nearly 40 hours a week and I'm useless. Imagine how many hours the competant people recieve. Just imagine.


Back? Spectacular. Well, before I leave the cinema in which I fairly enjoyed, despite the job being absolute shit, let's leave a summary of the main events.

• On my first day, I was over by £30.05, which is bad, as the limit is £3 either way. I blamed the till, as there was no way that I didn't give £30 worth of change to someone. Unless it was that person who bought a small popcorn with a £50 note. Shirley not.
• Two women with a baby in a pram (lesbians? Read on) came up to me and asked "Can a baby see a film?" I found this to be a redundant and, frankly, stupid question, to which I answered, "Yes." They then bought tickets to see Bridesmaids (15). I didn't let them in, so they complained saying that I said "Sure, a baby can see Bridesmaids. Wonderful parenting." Cue: Bollocking from manager.
• Served Stuart Baggs "The Brand" as he complained about his Fanta Frozen and his VIP seats. He also used Orange Wednesday. Cheap bastard.
• A sold-out screen of the Inbetweeners broke down, so I had to tell over 200 people to "Go to one of those tills" to get a refund, little to my knowledge that one of the managers was using my till. So that was fun, going through 100 refund receipts for the film when I desperately wanted to go home.
• We have special screens in the morning that are cheap and for kids. £1.25 a ticket or something. Not only does it being the MILFs out, but the piss. I have had to clean up piss on a cinema seat. And 30 minutes later, chunder. The parent told me about the chunder and I asked "Did you make it to the toilet in time?" He said, "Yes." So I thought it was nothing. It turns out they did make it to the toilet, just in time to throw up into a popcorn box, which dissolves easily. So they didn't actually make it, or they did and decided that a popcorn box is just so much more indie.
• Broke four tills in one evening, an Orange Wednesday evening, so the rush was unbearable and I just made popcorn for several hours. This was also at a shift that I asked to swapped, but couldn't find a swapee, so management did it. Therefore, I didn't have to be there to break everything.
• Got drunk with the staff after a ten-hour shift, so I eventually started drifting in and out of slumber, ending with me sleeping against a bus schedule, then sleeping on the night bus, missing my stop and walking home. Possibly falling asleep then as well.
• Gave two teenagers vouchers on the sly so they could afford their first date. Good deed. Cue. Bollocking from manger.
• Drank tap water in the open. Cue: Bollocking from manager.
• Turned up 45 minutes late to a shift, extremely hungover and smelling of booze. Was sent home early after taking an hour break. There may have been a bollocking from manager. Can't remember.
• A film was filmed outside the cinema (meta) and I stared at the main actress, along with some others, as we were trying to remember her name. By the time we rememered Lucy Punch, we had stared to long and it was rude to ask. We asked, it was her, we were rude. C:BFM
• Slipped in the lift after mopping it. Cue: Pain.
• Chased a ballon around the cinema as the air conditioning kept blowing it straight back up. Did a massive leap right next to a customer, which I think led her to not see any films.
• Worked out the aerodynamics of paper aeroplanes after three hours.
• Found boxsets of Entourage whilst cleaning a cinema screen. Didn't take them home, have to pay me to watch Entourage.
• Had to listen to a complaint from a woman because she was the only person in her screen. Led to a funny Facebook status, but not much else. "Got a complaint from a customer because she was the only person in her screen watching "Beginners". Thererefore, I sat and watched the film with her. I got another complaint because I didn't share the popcorn. Fuck this." 

 Think that's it. Should be.

This'll all help when writing a cinema-based sitcom.