Apologies to Myself

Seeing as I am the only person who reads this blog, I apologise to myself for not keeping it up to date.

Will try harder.

Househunting

Now, when you decide to go to university, something that usually comes up is the question of your living arrangements. Fans of my previous blogs (both of you) will know that in my first year, I shared a flat with two Azerbaijani cousins who studied hard and never went out. This meant that my social status started off at (-2) instead of the usual (0). Bummer.

However, for my second year, I am sharing a flat with three people that I know and relatively trust. That's as good as it gets with me. We all decided this whilst incredibly drunk at a club that I hate. Possible forboding for my year there. Obviously, we needed to first find a place to live. Here is the tale of that very search.

So yeah. Aberdeen is a town with a well known university and very much a student town, so there must be a load of student flats available. WRONG. At least, at the beginning. We searched all the websites we could, yet couldn't get a viewing fast enough to make a proper offer in before some twats took it by offering £300 over the asking price as that's their hourly pocket money. It became difficult and we decided to wait until the summer to look for this flat. Considering that people were splitting their groups and adding people on just to get a flat, this was silly and arrogant to assume we would have no problems.

We had a few problems. Firstly, two of my new flatmates live abroad, making it very hard for them to just come to Aberdeen for a flat viewing. The thing is, most landlords like the viewing to mainly meet potential clients and see if they would be willing to let them live in this house. They won't just let anybody in. This is how we lost three houses. One of them we had three of us primed to show up, one had an exam so was exempt. Only two turned up as one had fallen asleep. He need sto go fuck himself as he causes problems later as well.

Secondly, I was unwilling to pay more rent than I needed to. Why pay for July and August's rent when I'm not living there? In the end, I paid August's. Minor victory. I take what I can get.

We eventually got a place as my best friend seemed to wow the landlord at the viewing, so this came with a lot of forms to fill in. They needed to be in on a deadline. I think one of us made that deadline. We're pathetic.

Anyway, forms are boring, they were eventually filled in and deposits were paid. Let's get to the moving. Much more hilarious writing experience (maybe).

Yeah, old flat and neu-flat were five minutes away walking. So why not take everything by hand, eh? Despite the rain and that everything was a lot heavier than I thought, there was no reason. So I cut my hand open, hurt my back and my knees and gave up on life before the landlord's mother gave me a lift to carry stuff (and she carried some plates). It was a painful experience that I cannot fully communicate as I cannot be asked.

A Summary of my Time at VUE Cinemas

I had high hopes for this blog. Hopes that included a fairly regular release of blogs that I could show my friends and say "Ha! I was talking about you!" Alas, that has not happened, mainly due to my job as a Customer Assistant/Drone at VUE Cinemas.

See, from when I joined, a lot of people were planning to leave or were leaving. A few even got sacked for a hot-dog embezzlement scheme. I kid you not, reader. Managers were leaving and everyone that joined on the same day as me would be leaving during summer as well. Therefore, a lot of hours became available. A lot. I work nearly 40 hours a week and I'm useless. Imagine how many hours the competant people recieve. Just imagine.


Back? Spectacular. Well, before I leave the cinema in which I fairly enjoyed, despite the job being absolute shit, let's leave a summary of the main events.

• On my first day, I was over by £30.05, which is bad, as the limit is £3 either way. I blamed the till, as there was no way that I didn't give £30 worth of change to someone. Unless it was that person who bought a small popcorn with a £50 note. Shirley not.
• Two women with a baby in a pram (lesbians? Read on) came up to me and asked "Can a baby see a film?" I found this to be a redundant and, frankly, stupid question, to which I answered, "Yes." They then bought tickets to see Bridesmaids (15). I didn't let them in, so they complained saying that I said "Sure, a baby can see Bridesmaids. Wonderful parenting." Cue: Bollocking from manager.
• Served Stuart Baggs "The Brand" as he complained about his Fanta Frozen and his VIP seats. He also used Orange Wednesday. Cheap bastard.
• A sold-out screen of the Inbetweeners broke down, so I had to tell over 200 people to "Go to one of those tills" to get a refund, little to my knowledge that one of the managers was using my till. So that was fun, going through 100 refund receipts for the film when I desperately wanted to go home.
• We have special screens in the morning that are cheap and for kids. £1.25 a ticket or something. Not only does it being the MILFs out, but the piss. I have had to clean up piss on a cinema seat. And 30 minutes later, chunder. The parent told me about the chunder and I asked "Did you make it to the toilet in time?" He said, "Yes." So I thought it was nothing. It turns out they did make it to the toilet, just in time to throw up into a popcorn box, which dissolves easily. So they didn't actually make it, or they did and decided that a popcorn box is just so much more indie.
• Broke four tills in one evening, an Orange Wednesday evening, so the rush was unbearable and I just made popcorn for several hours. This was also at a shift that I asked to swapped, but couldn't find a swapee, so management did it. Therefore, I didn't have to be there to break everything.
• Got drunk with the staff after a ten-hour shift, so I eventually started drifting in and out of slumber, ending with me sleeping against a bus schedule, then sleeping on the night bus, missing my stop and walking home. Possibly falling asleep then as well.
• Gave two teenagers vouchers on the sly so they could afford their first date. Good deed. Cue. Bollocking from manger.
• Drank tap water in the open. Cue: Bollocking from manager.
• Turned up 45 minutes late to a shift, extremely hungover and smelling of booze. Was sent home early after taking an hour break. There may have been a bollocking from manager. Can't remember.
• A film was filmed outside the cinema (meta) and I stared at the main actress, along with some others, as we were trying to remember her name. By the time we rememered Lucy Punch, we had stared to long and it was rude to ask. We asked, it was her, we were rude. C:BFM
• Slipped in the lift after mopping it. Cue: Pain.
• Chased a ballon around the cinema as the air conditioning kept blowing it straight back up. Did a massive leap right next to a customer, which I think led her to not see any films.
• Worked out the aerodynamics of paper aeroplanes after three hours.
• Found boxsets of Entourage whilst cleaning a cinema screen. Didn't take them home, have to pay me to watch Entourage.
• Had to listen to a complaint from a woman because she was the only person in her screen. Led to a funny Facebook status, but not much else. "Got a complaint from a customer because she was the only person in her screen watching "Beginners". Thererefore, I sat and watched the film with her. I got another complaint because I didn't share the popcorn. Fuck this." 

 Think that's it. Should be.

This'll all help when writing a cinema-based sitcom. 

Introductions are Required

Hi.

Over the last year, I have had about four blogs. One chronicling my summer holiday in 2010, which was fairly eventful for one of my summers. There was another about university, most of which ended with me saying "I wish I fucked that bitch" or "I was sooooo drunk." Either way, not exactly Dan Brown. There was one where I reviewed TV shows about two weeks after they were broadcast. Lastly, one where I shouted random nonsense.

That one was my favourite.

Anyway, that was on an old e-mail address, this is my new e-mail address and I couldn't transfer the old blogs because of some Google Account nonsense. Google is so helpful and yet so fucking annoying. Whatever. Google+ also bores me entirely, but with one friend who also has it, there is a lot less idiocy than on Facebook. I log on just to read the nothing that is there. It soothes me.

Ahem,

So yeah, this blog will cover whatever is left of summer, as I neglected the Holiblog as I was working. There's only so many times I can talk about the stupidity of people in cinemas. When I go back to Aberdeen University, I'll talk about that, plus any stand-up anecdotes, which is what Uniblog sort of turned into, which was nice.

Ahem.

So that's it really, nothing to talk about at the moment. Could talk about the London Riots, but I don't really care.

Adios.

P.S. I may get another pretentious blog to review TV & Film. I love myself too much not to.